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Monday, September 12, 2011

The Sex Dimension - Poet/Charmer

Like I promised, now we will start our journey to get a firm understanding of a man’s battle with SEX!
The sexuality battle - Where men and women love the physical pleasure of sex equally, not more than one another as many would like to believe, there are a lot of social consequences for him and her equally for not having sex or having too much.  

This is critically important – because if you meet a guy you like, at some stage you’re going to want to have sex with him. And this conflict explains what his mindset about sex is going to be like then and also later on down the road even after sex has taken place.  Specifically more important are the reasons why he’s going to attempt to have sex with you and also how he is going to think about it before and after. And I’m sure this is something you’re going to want to know. How a man deals with the sexual conflict is going to be key to your approach because, whichever trait is dominant changes your approach dramatically.

He loves sex and the emotional bonding and physical pleasure he gets from it – but sex has had negative consequences like emotional trauma and societal judgment. A man will also deal with the sexual conflict in two different ways. And it has to do with how big of a deal sex is in his mind.  He is going to either never ADMIT the sex happening or Give REASON it happened, and think that it wasn’t a big deal. 

This explains why some men end up sleeping with much less girls than others.  Poets  pretend sex doesn’t happen, suppress their ideas about sex, view sex significant as well as an emotional connection between two people and make it harder for women to seduce him, on the flip side, Charmers see sex as insignificant and meaningless, and let it happen many, many times. Just give the charmer the word or sign and he’s ready to go no convincing needed!

Poet /Charmer Is the SEXUAL dimension of a man’s character type that we are going to discuss today.

To me, this is the 2nd if not most important dimension, and it is the one that you the reader should pay attention to the most in your interactions with men. The reason is because men’s most predominant role (believe it or not) in a woman’s life is sexual. Sex is the reason why we all exist, and it is very primal and basic. Really quite easy to understand after all we are simply nothing more than mammals.

 So please pay attention.

Let’s talk first about the conflict a little bit. Most, and if I had to put a number on it, probably 45% of men have experienced SOME level of sexual trauma – or negative feelings and emotions associated with sex.  It may have been a poor performance or lack of sexual knowledge he actually may have felt he was being just used for sex. This is something that is a challenge to understand as women, that men yes do have horrible experiences relating to sex. More than some would like to have you believe!

Men will often recall at least once when they had a really bad experience in relation to women and sex in comparison women slightly often, but more frequently have traumatic events in relation to men and sex.  It would be very foolish to think that a woman does not want sex as a result of past events.  Just like men, sex feels VERY GOOD for women also – and they want it…if not more than men.  So this creates a VERY strong conflict for her as well. Now men deal with this conflict by either being a POET or CHARMER.

Let’s begin with Poet’s

A Poet will consciously BLOCK out and remove any negative experiences from his memory about sex, he will literally believe they didn’t exist, and will deny anything bad ever happened to him relating to sex. His mental mechanisms simply will not allow him to confront those memories.

Knowing this issue exists in him and approaching it properly will cause him to become more and more open and honest with you. They will sense that you “are one of them” and things that he would NEVER tell other girls will be put on the table for you because you went about it with the right plan.  And no, it’s not all stuff you don’t want to hear – there are some AMAZING benefits to being in the “Know”.  Men will be much more open to letting you have multiple relationships, casual / no strings attached relationships,(If ultimately that’s what you’re after) and they will feel much more comfortable showing you the full spectrum of their sexuality.

But, that’s beside the point. Let’s get back to Poets.  There are definitely some downsides to Poets. First of all, and this applies to ALL men, men will sometimes be more likely to lie to you the more they like you.  Why would they do that you ask?  They lie because they can and they will be more concerned with maintaining a certain perception that you might have of them if they really like you. There’s more to lose if you don’t approve of their image.

And – if they cheat (which odd as it may be is actually less likely to happen with a poet than with a Charmer) they will be FAR, FAR more secretive and less likely to let you find out. (Majority of the time you won’t even know it happened) Usually it will just be a onetime thing, and they will suppress the memory as if it never happened. However, doing that type of thing is something that women are MUCH better at than men. FACT!  The Poet is very aware and conscience of how he is being perceived at all times.

Extreme Poet’s will sometimes even pretend to be “disgusted” by sex or by other guys who have been with more women than them. They will call other guys dogs just like women do, be very judgmental and critical of men who have had sex with just 15 or more women. The average Poet will usually sleep with 15 or less women in his entire lifespan (will lie to make you believe that number is higher) Now 15 may seem like a lot, because of what I just said, but you have to realize that most of those numbers have been accumulated as he got older. Men have a tendency to become more and more like Charmers as they get older. Their issues with sex got worked out and resolved slowly as time goes on, and they become more open to casual encounters. (Old guy in the club, I know you see him) We call this the “Sugar Daddy Effect”. You know what I’m talking about…

Just because a man is a Poet, it does NOT mean it will take a long time for him to try and sleep with you.  When we get into the Poet’s behaviors, I will show you why it is actually good to sleep with a Poet quickly, and I’ll give you some specific reasons why that is.  

Another reason why these types of men are called Poet’s because he flows just like good poetry, specifically they will refuse your sexual advances. But they do it in a very specific way. The will use a “not yet” approach, and eventually cave to your advances. That’s a very big difference between Poet’s and Charmers as you will see.

To a Poet, having sex can sometimes feel like they have lost something. Because at times, they sometimes associate sex with pain and emotional loss, if you haven’t laid the proper groundwork, they will withhold sex to maintain the power they think they may have in the relationship.

Let’s Recap:

• Poet’s will have far fewer sexual partners than Charmers by choice  

• Poet’s tend to have hidden secrets – only a women who really understands man’s battle and his traits will learn these secrets

• Far less likely to cheat than the Charmer, but also less likely to tell you if he does

• Poet’s are more reserved and low key about sex and talking about sex

• Just because he is a Poet, it doesn’t mean he’s harder to sleep with if that’s all you’re after. You just need a different plan of action cause throwing the goodies at him will more than likely turn him off rather than on

• Poet’s are often judgmental and critical of guys we would deem as players or ladies men


A Charmer has the same negative sexual experiences that a Poet has – but he uses a different mental strategy altogether to combat those experiences…  He will simply devalue the experience by lowering the significance and importance of sex in his mind.

By lowering the importance & significance of sex, it makes the negative experience easier to deal with and less painful. This allows him to retain full access the memory, because it has a much lower intensity and those memories are not a hindrance to him having sex.

The mental thought process will be something like “oh sex doesn’t mean that much” or “sex isn’t such a big deal” – and this mental dialogue aligns his full belief set to become congruent with that.
Now as a consequence, sex actually begins to mean less to these men and for women it’s very hard to try and control these men with the threat of no sex. “Sorry ladies that approach won’t work on this guy” He will give it up without so much as a thought and most importantly to any woman, he will be more likely to do things like have sex in public, have threesomes with other men and women, and go into professions like being an escort or exotic dancers. (Btw not all male exotic dancers are Charmers – but a vast majority is.)

And as such – having sex with a Charmer carries much less weight and baggage than it would with a Poet. Charmers, unlike Poets are very sexually open and will sometimes have hundreds of sexual partners over their lifetime, and if like Wilt Chamberlin – thousands.

One big surprise to me is that over the past 7 years with me secretly doing this research into men’s and women’s psyche, I found a very high number of  men that I met during this time that have been with over 150 women openly and shamelessly, with widely different social backgrounds. These weren’t just men in their forties or older either – many of them were in their early twenties who were able to accumulate those sex numbers in college, often sleeping with a new girl every other weekend, if not every weekend.

Just because a Charmer has a lot of experience and may be considered loose sexually (ya’ll came him the player), it does not mean that he cannot be a wonderful boyfriend.

In fact, if you can become his “Queen of the Nile” Charmers can and do become incredibly loyal and safe from cheating. This is something I’ll talk about in depth when we get into the advanced strategies. Here’s a hint though – you will NOT become his “Queen of the Nile” if you are too focused on sex. That’s a huge difference. Because he has reduced the significance of sex in his mind – if you seem to desperate for sex, or make sex seem like a big deal, or make too many advances, or in general seem like you are too open sexually, he will lose respect immediately, and it’s usually something that’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE to recover from irregardless of what you might set out to accomplish, once a man's view has been set about how you are sexually there is no changing his opinion EVER!!!. It’s all about the mindset, some men may fit the female pretence that men think physically, however the vast majority is very mindful of his thoughts and actions and will make decisions  based upon what he feels rather than what he sees visually.

When they do go with your advances, Charmers will sometimes go so far as to think that themselves that hooking up with you was their idea! This makes them VERY open to sexual refraining, sexual prizing and women falsely accusing them of being perverts and wanting them too much. More often than not this guy just wants sex, nothing more nothing less. Again this will be covered in depth later on in our ongoing discussion.

If you’re currently dating a Charmer – you have to be extremely vigilant. Charmers love to test your limits (don’t confuse this with the testing dimension, I’m talking about testing YOU and your patience) but a Charmer will test you over and over to see how much of a woman you think you are or claim to be. You need to be VERY aware of these tests so that you can nip them in the bud by punishing them IMMEDIATELY.  It is for that reason, that charmers are a big challenge to many girls – but if you pass his initial tests, having sex with him is INCREDIBLY easy and takes barely any effort at all. If you get alone with him it’s RARE, and I will go as far as guarantee there will be none if any resistance whatsoever.  It though is not the same for every man you meet.

One final thought – do not make the mistake of thinking that a Poet is a good boy and a Charmer is a bad boy.  It has nothing to do with morals or his overall intentions being altruistic or mean spirited. It is simply his individual defense mechanism to dealing with a very real and powerful life conflict. The key is not to judge it, but instead to understand it, and know how to use it in your favor. 

 Let’s recap:

• Charmers usually end up having many sexual partners over their lifetime, often over a hundred sometimes more

• Charmers tend to act on their sexual urges, and then give the reasons why they did it later

• Sex is not a big deal to Charmers or as important to them as you might think!  Never has and never will be

• You need to punish a Charmer for disrespect IMMEDIATELY, or you’re in the “friend zone”

• If a Charmer is resistant to sexual escalation YOU MUST chill out and appear indifferent. If they sense you want sex too much, you’re finished.

So at this point you should have a really good understanding of Time – Water/wine and Sex – Poet/Charmer.  Any Questions?

A lock (man) who can be opened by many keys (women) is called a bad unsecured lock. But a key that can open many locks is called a master key - UNKNOWN -

“Knowledge is Knowing, Wisdom is Understanding”  RealTalk 100

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